Forsake You
by therearegreenerpastures
Summary: What is love but a mask that betrayal hides behind? RowenaSalazar. Recently moved to this penname. Complete.


_This story was originally posted under the penname _Xanthe Corbin _on May 31, 2006. I always meant to move it to this penname but never did. Until now, that is. I apologize for it; I wrote it when I was young. Wow, that kind of makes it sound like one of those mistake children, like, "Oh, I was young and stupid and my hormones were wild..." Ok, I'll shut up now._

_Happy reading._

**Forsake You**

_I died the first time I looked into his eyes._

_They were a deep forest green, shimmering with cold, calculating malice and something deeper, something that seemed to me to be a hidden sorrow, placed so deep in his soul that he had all but forgotten about it. _

_They way he looked at me frightened me. It was like those forest green orbs could look into my very soul and see my deepest, darkest desires. Perhaps they could. He had always had the uncanny ability to know what I really wanted, a fact which made me infuriated to no end. _

_What was even more frightening, however, were the things I felt for him. I was engaged to be married–to his best friend, no less–but that didn't stop me from thinking about him. He plagued my waking thoughts whilst he haunted my nightmares. He was cruel, vicious. His ideas of purity shocked and disgusted me. He was a monster, cold and unfeeling._

_That was what attracted me, I suppose._

_Godric was always so sweet, so gentle, with me. After a while it became boring. I didn't want to be cuckolded like a child. I began to yearn for that viciousness, that ruthless cruelness he possessed. The very thing I couldn't get from Godric._

"Salazar, please talk to me."

"There's nothing to say, Rowena."

"You've been avoiding me like I'm the plague. Or worse, a Muggle. Please tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong? _What's wrong_? God's blood, Rowena, you're supposed to be clever! Can't you take a guess at what's wrong!"

_He pushed me away. I knew he cared for me. I couldn't take back my mistake of accepting Godric's proposal. I was young, confused. Godric was perfect. Courageous, loyal, intelligent, honest. Everything a woman would want in a husband. I was only nineteen. I didn't understand love. All I understood was that I was supposed to be marrying Godric, so the things I felt for Salazar were wrong. Feeling anything for Salazar, engaged or no, was supposed to be wrong. He was dishonest. He lied. He was cunning, conniving. Women weren't supposed to fall in love with men like Salazar Slytherin._

"Please don't shut me out."

"You're getting married, Rowena."

"I realize that."

"I feel like I'm losing you."

_It wasn't an easy decision. It wasn't a wise decision. At the time, however, it was the only decision I could make. _

_Two weeks before the wedding, I stole away in the middle of the night, and went down to the dungeons. I felt as low as one of the snakes Salazar was obsessed with. I realized I was no better than he was. I was betraying Godric. I was lying. I was cheating. And what made it worse...I didn't care. _

"I don't love you."

"I'm not asking you to."

_I couldn't hide my feelings, not from him. Not from those eyes that could read my soul like it was a book. He was cruel, mean, evil, and at that moment, I was exactly like him. Down in those dark dungeons, a part of me died, leaving only a horrible creature that only he would ever see. _

"Stop it! That hurts!"

"Of course it does. After all you put me through, surely you didn't expect me to be gentle?"

_Bruises. Scratches. Blood. That, and a feeling of worthlessness was all I had when Salazar was done with me. That should have been enough to keep me away. In fact, that was his plan. He figured that if he hurt me, it would keep me from hurting him. He had loved me first, and I had chosen Godric. My first betrayal lay with Salazar. My second betrayal lay with Salazar. I was completely and utterly damned no matter where I turned. _

_Salazar sat at the back of the room during the wedding. I cried. Godric thought they were tears of joy; he kissed them away. When we were pronounced as man and wife, Salazar left the room. I died again on that altar, watching Salazar's retreating form. _

"We can't keep doing this. You're married now."

"Don't! Don't push me away now, after we've..."

"Just go, Rowena. Run along back to your husband."

_He hurt me. I hurt him. We were condemned to a life of painful mediocrity, my Serpent and I._

_I passed the child off as Godric's until it was born. He wondered why his son had green eyes, when his eyes were brown and mine were blue. It took just a moment of weakness on my part for him to figure it out._

"Tell me he was just a mistake, Rowena. Tell me you love me."

"He was a mistake, Godric. Of course I love you."

_I went down to those dungeons one last time. I had to know, once and for all, if Salazar loved me. Because, no matter what I told my husband, it was Salazar that I loved. I knew that, after a year of betrayal and lies. Funny how it took betrayal, lies, and broken hearts to make the truth unfold. _

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

"What? Why?"

"Godric and I had an interesting...discussion. So, I was a mistake, was I?"

"You know I told him that to appease him."

"Rowena..."

"Don't. Do you love me, Salazar?"

"...Yes. Do you love me?"

"...No."

_I could see it in his eyes. I had killed him with that simple little lie. To him, it was truth. It would be so much easier to let him go if he believed I didn't care for him anymore. How foolish I was._

"I would give anything to be lied to again."

"I'm done lying."

"So I see. Once, Rowena, I lived for you. I breathed for you. And now, each time I see you look at Godric, I die for you. You may have given me up for Godric, but I will never forsake you."

_I died for the final time as I watched Salazar walk away from the castle. Helga stood on one side of me, Godric on the other, his hand on mine. I did not think about Godric then. I thought of Salazar. I thought about his words. "I will never forsake you." He loved me; he would never let go of me. It killed me to know that he thought I loved Godric instead of him. _

_I was never good enough for Godric. I was never worthy of Salazar. There is only one thing for certain. Even though I sleep by Godric's side, even though it is him I kiss, him I now lie to, there was only ever one man for me. _

_He plagues my waking thoughts. He haunts my nightmares. _

_Salazar, I will never forsake you. _

**A/N:**

Well, there we are. Parts of it are taken from the Evanescence song "Lies." Obviously I don't own those parts.


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